Meanwhile, Back in Cubicle Land, Or, How to Suck at Writing

Well, after a respite as a Bookseller and almost writer, I'm back in the land of cubicles.  Although, I have to say, I've taken a step up.  I am no longer confined to a sad, lonely cubicle that cuts you off from your neighbors and fosters a sense of everything BUT collaboration.  I am now the happy resident of a Pod.  That's right, a Pod.  I share an open desk system with 4 other people who are all quite brilliant and kind.  This is a much different world and I am happy to be a part of it.

So if you've come back hoping for the same sarcasm and jaded bitterness of 2009's Cubitude, well, turn around now!  Leave! I've returned, alright, but all of that rage is going to start filtering off into other places because my new cubicle situation is awesome. So get ready for a brand new attitude about cubicles and the people who reside in them.  This is a brand new adventure and a brand new me.

And now, to explain the second part of this post title: How to Suck at Writing.  If you'll indulge a little second  person narration, I'll explain exactly how this works.

Have a plan.

Start out with lots of ideas and write them all down. Once you've got all of these ideas just the way you like them, realize that they are truly awful and abandon that notebook on a shelf.

Start a blog.

Start another blog.  Start another blog with a friend and watch as you both give up on it. Get really adventurous and start a vlog. Make videos and write songs. Pretend like you still write, but know deep down that you've already given up.

Find some writer friends and have your hope rekindled. Start writing furiously and get back to that first story you thought might be really good. Read. Read everything. Learn how other people do what you want to do.

Start a new project. Plot out the entire story from beginning to end. Get completely overwhelmed and watch as all of your writer friends begin and finish their projects.

Start a third novel and abandon that one like all the others.

Find a new hobby and realize how much better you are at it than writing. Write on your blog occasionally  but feel guilty every time you do. Start another collaborative blog and abandon that one, too. Stop writing, stop singing, stop reading. Get really sad and think about all of the stories you could have written. Think about all the words you could have used to explain what your insides felt like the first time someone held your hand. Think about how you would write excellent sex scenes that wouldn't end with the clicking of a light switch.  Imagine how you could have used writing as therapy so that your husband wouldn't have to listen to all of your bullshit. Realize what a writer is.

Finally understand the essence of The Writer and how much a part of you it is.  You can't walk away from it or hide from it or ignore it. You can't do anything but be it, all the time.  You are a storyteller, even if it destroys you. Be the maker of worlds, even if they only exist in your own mind. Be the suckiest writer that ever existed, because at least then you are a writer.  At least then you embrace your nature.  And then, you'll get it.  You'll understand. You'll let go of the stress and expectations and just let yourself be.  And the words will come. And the stories will drip from your fingertips. And you'll realize that you never sucked. You just weren't done cooking yet. But you can here the timer going off.

Start a new blog.

Go back to that first story. Realize you finally know how to tell it. And tell it.